We have this Top Shelf, see.  And it’s just filled to the gills with the softest, the smoothest, the most dashing and daring and all-around spectacular shirts we’ve ever seen.  (and we’ve seen our share of shirts).   

We believe that each one of these shirts has a rightful owner – somebody who, for whatever reason, deserves to have it more than anybody else in the whole world.  Somebody who will fit into it, will wear it on the most special of special occasions, will make sure it gets the honor it’s earned through unparalleled, unequalled, and downright all-consuming freshness.  Somebody who was at that game, who was at that concert, who’s the world’s biggest Superfan. 

Somebody who will write an essay of exactly 468 words convincing us that he or she is that Somebody or knows who that Somebody is.  What?

Just write a 468 word essay telling us why you or somebody you know really, really deserves to have one of these shirts.  (We appreciate and consider all corroborating evidence backing up your story, including scanned photos, ticket stubs, affidavits, certified documents, etc.) 

If your essay convinces us that you’ve found its rightful owner, we’ll send you the shirt.  In return, we ask for nothing more than a photo of the owner and the shirt – together at last, together forever.

Help us reunite these shirts with their owners.

Send your essay and stuff here.

We have our first winner!  Congratulations to Jared D. - read his essay below:

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
 
   Those are the words of Savage Garden, straight off their Affirmation album in 1999.  Those also happen to be the exact same words my heart has been professing to the Dynomite Dad shirt, since the day I was born.
 
Now you’re probably saying, “My Lord, what beautiful words.” Then reality strikes. Just how well would the shirt fit? Well, I’ll be the first to say that it fits like a glove on 5’9, 155 pound Jay.  Now let me check my scale.  And let’s have a bit of a chat with the Illinois DMV to discuss my height.
 
Golly gee.
 
But this simply isn’t the spiel of a materialistic boy who wishes to one day wear this shirt in all ‘da clubs’ hoping to persuade at least one woman to become his ‘baby momma’ due to his apparent above-average parenting skills.

That DOES fit him nicely, doesn't it?

No, no.  It’s much more than that.  This shirt fits perfectly around the very essence of my soul.  To put it into perspective; I will be more heartbroken than when Gordon Bombay had to end his hockey career with the Minnesota Waves due to a slashing penalty, if you don’t allow this shirt to be mine.  No one should ever have to deal with that kind of pain.

Now you may be wondering why this is only 273 words.  Well, it’s obvious that my intentions were to read it through twice. Making it 546 words.  And I always go 117%. 

 country roads, take me home
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